Daughters and mothers.  Complicated, complex relationships. 

This is my first thought as I begin this blog article on Mother's Day and wonder about my own relationship with my Mum.  Traveling down the path of this thought could be a can of worms that I may not necessarily want to open in a public forum.  So I sit and think.  I am tempted by this can of worms. And then this new thought forms.  I am who I am because of my Mum.  I have lived this whole great life that continues to unfold with its adventures and turmoils and lessons and it is such a gift, this life.  And now I am thinking about all the gifts I have received from this miracle of a woman who raised me single-handedly.  As with most mother/daughter relationships, ours has had its tensions, but these seem trivial as I warm to the gratitude for who I have become and for all the joyful memories she helped create for me. These are her gifts to me.

Compassion:  My Mum worries if the family of racoons who visit her yard will have enough to eat in the winter while others would be calling the exterminators.  Through her actions (like not squishing the spiders, but instead, ushering them out of her house) I have learned compassion for all living beings (well - the mouse recently under my sink would have fared better at my Mum's house, but I do try to live up to Mum's example most days).
 
Expectations:  My Mum never seemed too concerned about my grades or about what I would do for a career.  She didn't pressure me with the expectations of performance in school, arts, or music.  She was more concerned that I be a good person, that I look at the world and see it through the lens of acceptance, that I choose to love people for who they are rather than who I think they should be.   She was more concerned that I discover my own joys and engage in the things I do with pleasure not with pressure.

Independence:  It took me a long time to see that what I thought was a lack of support was, in fact, what has had me grow into a strong and independent woman.  My Mum gave me the gift of independence and the ability to figure things out on my own and to learn from experience what is a good decision and what is not. 

A foundation:  …on which I could make sound decisions.  Rather than tell me how to make my decisions, my Mum instilled in me strong values that have guided me to use discernment and make decisions based on my own evolving wisdom. 

A love of the arts:  We always had good music of most genres in our house, went to plays, and looked at books of art together.  It was this rich diversity of culture and intellectual thought she exposed me to, I am sure, that has given me the ability to think critically with a willingness to weigh other perspectives, to see the balance of things and avoid falling victim to narrow-mindedness and rhetoric (or so I hope!).

The love of a good adventure:  On rare days I will catch a scent of trees on the wind that is so particular it brings back a flood of memories of the rare hot summer days we had living up north when my Mum would pack picnic lunches into our backpacks, throw in a towel and load us up on our bikes.  We would peddle off out of town to one of the rivers and go adventuring off the beaten track, sometimes ditching our bikes to wade across the icy-cold shallows of a tributary in search of the ultimate sun-drenched sandbar.  We were in bear territory, but always felt safe with our Mum as we delighted in the day and ate the best sandwich buns ever and discovered new secret playgrounds that no one else knew about. 
 
A sense of humour:  My Mum's sense of humour was infectious and warm.  My own sense of humour must, in part, be something I developed through our shared love of a good British comedy.  Our favourite thing to do during those long dark winter nights was watch the British comedies on TV - Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, The Good Life, The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin,  Blackadder, Yes Minister, Red Dwarf, To the Manor Born, The Two Ronnies, Benny Hill Show, Not the Nine O'Clock News, and No Honestly.

A love of reading good literature:  Is there anything more comforting, that makes you feel safe in the world, than the sound of your mother's voice reading you to sleep at bedtime?  My Mum has always been an avid reader.  She has a hunger for knowledge, for learning about other lives, thoughts, ideas, and places in the world.    Entering different worlds through books is, in part, what helps us develop our own capacity for critical thinking.  We deepen our understanding and flexibility of thought and attitude when we identify with other characters' stories and plights. It is through reading that I have come to better know my own heart and understand human nature.  I am more willing to listen to other points of view and try to understand from where those points of view arise and I can better articulate my own sense of the world and my place in it.

As I write I realize this list could go on and on and beyond, so I'll stop here and invite our gratOodle community to add to the list using the comments section.  What gifts from your Mother are you grateful for?  Remember, "I didn't get where I am today by not"...being grateful for my mother.

Happy Mother's Day to all the courageous Mum's doing their best job ever raising their kids.  Us kids may not always seem grateful….but we are.